| | first, a side note: my ex sent me a card (in response to a holiday card I sent her) that said, amidst the typical greetings, "I have kind of turned a corner in my life. Divine intervention can do that, even for fools like me. Maybe sometime we could get together and converse. Yours in faith, [ex]" Did I tell you my ex-fiance' became a Christian? It was really surreal for me finding that out. He had been at least agnostic, if not atheist when we were together, though he had dabbled with Christianity when in middle school. So I don't know what to make of my ex's message. I'm intrigued. And part of me really doesn't want to see her. In other surreal ex news, my ex's first ex-wife found me on facebook and would like to talk on the phone. She seems to think that our having an ex-spouse in common is meaningful. She said she's trying to make some peace with the past, or something like that. My understanding from my ex is that she left him . . . opposite of my situation where s/he left me. But who knows, first ex-wife may have other perspectives. Part of me also doesn't want to talk to first ex-wife, but I'm going to. seems like the universe is sending opportunities for me to get more closure.
okay, new plans for the future.
I've been thinking a lot about going into the ministry. specifically, finding a church home and a tradition/denomination to work within. my explorations haven't been going very well. let me explain. since June, I've been attending Therese of Divine Peace inclusive community, a parish led by two Roman Catholic Women Priests. my therapist wanted me to give it 6 months, so I did. in August, I started attending services at First Unitarian as well. for much of the fall I was attending two services most Sundays. I'm coming to the conclusion that's too much church for me. which begs the question whether church is the right context for my vocation if two services a week seems like too much church. part of it's that I'm an introvert and the small-talk with acquaintances doesn't come easily to me. another part is that I'm looking for a church home, which seems to me to be about a safe, comfortable context for exploring and celebrating my personal spirituality. but I haven't thought about church as a place for that in a long time . . . and neither of these church communities is really emerging as a place for me to grow myself spiritually. that may be an over generalization, but really, I'm under-whelmed.
where I am incredibly impressed and challenged and fed, on the other hand, is Havi Brook's blog . I have been growing so much in terms of loving myself and accepting myself just through reading her daily posts. not everyone would consider that spiritual or religious work, but for me it is.
I've been watching Havi birth her Next Big Thing (At the Kitchen Table with Havi & Selma) this week, and I'm really intrigued. maybe even completely inspired. she's setting up a way to work with her Right People in a way that's sustainable for her and seems absolutely genius to me. she's figured out how to market herself and her business through writing her blog, which is, for her, free therapy. and it's free therapy for me!
so I'm wanting to step back a bit from my pursuit of all things church to ask myself, what do I really want about being a minister? what does it mean to me when I say I want to be a minister? I want to get specific about this because I'm not sure whether what I really want is a church. part of me still thinks a church is what I want, but maybe one that I start myself. and how about a virtual church? how cool does that sound? to me, it sounds amazing. and brilliant.
I'm so excited about this. and scared.
so. writing in the form of a blog. maybe e-books or e-pubs or something. consulting. coaching. community building. nurturing. counseling. listening. witnessing. sharing. being a part of folks' rites of passage. helping them ritualize the important moments of their lives, even when those are small, daily moments.
and trusting that I can find my Right People who will "get" what I'm about and what I offer.
my mind is spinning right now with the possibilities. I've always wanted to be my own boss. eeeeeeeee! |
| | Posted 1/11/2009 1:45 AM - 26 Views - 2 eProps - 2 comments
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